Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
