i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
