I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
