I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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