Michael Bay diarrhea
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
