you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
