I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
