If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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