I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
