If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think my moral compass just broke
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
