1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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