and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize