Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
