watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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