she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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