So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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