ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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