this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
