I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
