there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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