I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
