I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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