I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
