You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
