Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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