So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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