well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
