I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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