How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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