One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
