i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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