I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
