just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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