just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
