and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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