i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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