I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
