thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
