"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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