Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
