We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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