I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize