I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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