Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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