so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
