you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
