Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
