Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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