his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
