I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
