Pants 0. Shit 1.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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