i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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