My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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