im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
