This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
