Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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