Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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