I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
