marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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