Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
